Cooling Tension at Work

By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H. Hopson and Ted Hagen, Ph.D.
KRT News Service

Is your boss or a co-worker tormenting you at work?

Are you being attacked verbally or psychologically?

If so, you need to take steps to change your situation. You have the legal right to work in an atmosphere that is free of aggression and malice.

Consider a woman we know who works in a hospital pharmacy. Let’s call her Jackie.

For over a year, Jackie kept pointing out problems to her boss that needed to be corrected.

“Problems regarding medications in a hospital can translate to life and death issues for patients,” Jackie emphasizes.

“But, my boss just ignored me,” says Jackie. “She’d make hostile faces and growling noises when I’d try to open up a conversation about these issues.”

Jackie’s boss, also a woman, is close to retirement.

“My boss didn’t want to rock any boats or bother with changes,” says Jackie. “She’s eager to leave the hospital and move to Florida.”

Jackie is now in the process of telling on her boss through a formal grievance committee. Pulling her own hair out got tiresome to Jackie, so she decided to confront the issue head-on.

Another woman we’ll call June teaches at a community college. Her boss, a man, has called her “stupid” and “inept” on many occasions.

June has worked under this aggressive professor for years. She told us recently, “He’s mean to all of the female faculty members. But, they’re too afraid to confront him.

“When one woman sued him last year,” June explains, “the female instructors called to testify were so scared, they lied. They were petrified to tell the truth about this mean professor. As a result, the woman who sued lost the case. It didn’t help that she’d failed to document times and dates of mistreatment, either.”

If you’re in a hostile situation, define how to change what’s going on.

For instance, always work with several people you can trust. Gain emotional support from several professionals in your community, as well as in your work setting, if possible.

Changing a hostile work situation involves shifting a lot of gears. If you’re already stressed out about your situation, you need supportive people to lean on who will encourage you to tackle the problem in stages.

Try these tips:

• Talk with a human resources professional outside of your work setting. Your goal is to speak with an objective listener about your situation. This helps you gain clarity on what to do next.
• Document your problems. Write down times and dates you experienced hostility. You might need this documentation later for a grievance or review board.
• Speak with a human resources manager at your place of work. Instead of giving too much of the picture, ask lots of questions. Telling too much might mean your HR rep will be forced to file paperwork even if you don’t wish to.

  For example, ask an HR manager to define a hostile work environment in legal terms. Let this person know that you are gathering information, so you can appropriately respond to your situation. But don’t give away too many details yet.

• Talk with an attorney. Find out if you have a true legal case against your employer. You might desire to sue. If not, you might wish to file a formal grievance against your boss or co-worker, your employer, or both.

June, mentioned above, talked with an HR firm that, unbeknownst to her, had been retained to do HR work for the college that employed her. “A friend of mine knew the owner of this independent HR firm and asked him to have lunch with me,” says June.

The owner and another director at this firm were both appalled by the unkind treatment June’s professor/supervisor had leveled at her.

“This HR firm suggested I file formal grievance papers right away,” says June. “Since I was asking for nothing more than fair treatment, they felt eager to help me gain cooperation from all parties concerned.”

It’s always scary to confront a sensitive workplace situation. However, failing to deal with it means you will bear the brunt of the craziness by yourself.

“I was close to a breakdown,” says Jackie, the woman mentioned above who works in a hospital pharmacy. “All of the unsolved problems were wrecking my nervous system, but until my family stepped in to help, I was too chicken to speak up.”

Jackie’s aunt intervened one day when she saw Jackie break down and cry in the hospital pharmacy. Her aunt had stopped by to offer her a ride home.

“With my permission, my aunt called my doctor to ask for help in gaining a personal leave,” says Jackie.

“I also had to go through my employee assistance program to get permission to take a few weeks off. However, after I was home for a week, I went back to the hospital to file a formal grievance against my boss and the hospital. I decided that fighting the situation made me stronger.”

Jackie made up her mind she was not going to look weak because a lazy boss had failed to fix the problems going on. She was not going to pay the price of looking like she couldn’t function well in a highly strained work environment.

The sooner you face a hostile work situation, the better. The longer you allow the abuse or intolerable situation to go on, the weaker you will feel in fighting the whole situation.

Addressing the problems sooner, rather than later, will mean you can confront the situation — one way or another — and get on with your life.

Besides, if you fail to act, all of the tension and stress you feel will infiltrate your personal life.

For example, your workplace tension might affect how you treat your spouse or children. A situation you don’t address might lead to problems that your loved ones will pay for.

“I know my marriage is better since I confronted the situation in the pharmacy,” says Jackie. “My husband was so tired of hearing me complain, he avoided me after work. If you suffer too long, your friends and support system will disappear.”

After all, how long can your family and friends listen to the problems if nothing changes?

“It’s best to find a way to strike back legally and follow through,” Jackie summarizes. “A mean boss or co-worker shouldn’t have power over your life.”

Judi Hopson and Emma Hopson are authors of a stress management book for paramedics, firefighters and police, “Burnout To Balance: EMS Stress,” published by Prentice Hall/Brady Books. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.