Ask the Wellness Coach

TIME (picture of a clock)

Dear Judi: I work long shifts at the firehouse. I feel I can’t bond properly with my kids. Any ideas?

J.K., Indiana

Dear J.K. Use small bits of time to stay connected with your children. Think frequency of contact. For example, one-minute “I miss you” calls are important. Or, on your way home, take 10 minutes to buy your teenager’s favorite ice cream. Do plan longer, special times together, but don’t overlook what you can do in a minute or two for each child.

MONEY (picture of a dollar bill, etc.)

Dear Judi: I read all of these articles about investing money. My husband and I never have a dime left over to save or invest? I’m getting worried about this.

T.C., Tennessee

Dear T.C.: Open a savings account with $25. Get in the habit of adding $10 per week to the account. Add $10 each and every week until you make it a habit. Then, try upping the amount to $15 per week. How can you find the money to save? Make a game out of it. Get the family to cut off lights until your electric bill is down $25 per month. Buy only generic brands of groceries and sodas until you chisel $25 per month off your grocery bill.

Play a game with your family to get the savings account up to $2,500 eventually. Whatever you do, never touch this money. Keep growing it. Your goal should be to add at least $200 every month to your savings. Every family should have at least $10,000 in a savings account for emergencies.

MARRIAGE (picture of a couple)

Dear Judi: My husband and I are arguing all of the time. I’m worried we’re headed for divorce court. When should a couple call it quits?

R.T., Oklahoma

Dear R.T.: Take comfort in the fact that 99% of all couples argue strongly at times. Few among us haven’t thought of calling it quits at one time or another. A good spouse is nothing to throw away, so ask yourself: Is my spouse basically a good, moral person? If so, try to hang in there. Start by diffusing the tension.

Invent solutions yourself and engage your spouse in making the solutions work. For example, one woman I know was raging because her husband wouldn’t help with housework. She finally decided to make it a game. She asked her husband and two children to do two 10-minute chores per day. Sweeping the kitchen is called a 10-minute chore. Cleaning out one bathroom sink is considered to be a 10-minute chore. Their house is now in great shape and nobody’s stressed.

My point: When there is a problem, try your best to invent the solution. Make the solution realistic and do-able. Then, ask your husband to participate. People argue when they can’t imagine solutions. Arguing is really fear set on fire! When explosions occur, ask, “What is my spouse afraid of here?”